Hot Oil is Hot

My mother left for India almost a month ago. The public reason for this is because most of my family intend to settle there, and she’s playing point in this instance. But we all know the real reason is because she cant put up with my brother’s healthy living habits anymore. It’s disgusting.

Anyway, during this time I’ve had to deal with my share of the domestic duties. During my mother’s previous trips, I had mastered the art of using the washing machine. This time, I had to wrestle with my demons in the kitchen.

The first task was to learn how to make coffee. In no time at all I learned that it was not a good idea to put your finger in the thermos to see whether it was hot. It usually is. After many tries, I got the coffee, milk, sugar and water mix right. During this time my coffee traveled through the whole spectrum of color usually reserved for human skin tones. It finally managed to settle on a central Indian color. I assume people from Hyderabad have that complexion.

The next lesson was not to fry stuff with my t shirt off. I quickly learned that burning oil is hot. This may not come as a surprise to most, but I think this lesson needed to be burned into me. The reason I didn’t wear a t shirt was because I didn’t want to get oil on my t shirt. In hindsight, I don’t think I thought this out completely. Since then, I have moved on to making curries and the risk of making an insurance claim for second degree burns have abated somewhat.

My curry making skills are improving by leaps and bounds. Even still, I’m restricted to chicken curry and bread most days. On special days, I have Maggie noodles. On Sunday’s I leech off the food the siblings or my dad makes. This is a risky business because my dad’s food can go either way. You never know till you have a taste and by then it’s too late. Generally, it’s quite good though.

The weirdest thing through all of this is my craving for vegetables. On the weekends, when I go out for dinner, I usually eat the salad before I get into the meats. Unheard of behavior in my case!

In any case, life marches on. I am getting used to my new routine and am coping with the changing lifestyle. Expect more of ’Cooking with John’.

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Two Pixelated Pictures of Lovemaking in Games

It is 11.11 12/10/11. Yes, I realize that if I had posted three days earlier this post might have been more timely, 07.08 09/10/11 just seems to have a much more timely look to it. But the fact of the matter is, I wasn’t bored at that time. I am bored right now. I am sitting in front of my new desk in a new position and feeling a bit off. This is possibly due to not having the new chair to go with my new position in the room and the new table. It’s all quite new and I’m taking some time to get used to it.

One thing I like about the new placement is that the monitor now faces away from the hallway which people pass through. So instead of my parents being treated to a half naked Elf when they walk past, they can instead see my beaming face.

Pillow talk can get quite awkward

Pillow talk can get quite awkward

I can’t even count the number of times my mother has walked in on me just when the movie decides it’s had enough of people being clothed. It’s the same with games, Dragon Age (1 & 2), Mass Effect (1 & 2), GTA and many more besides. They never give you a hint that they are going to hit you with some steamy pixelated scene filled with either sex or sexual tension. The dialog options give no clue, one minute you’re exploring all the dialog options with Morrigan and the next you’re on the ground making sweet and noisy love to her beside the fire.

As you can see, love making in games is not for the faint of heart (creepy face!)

Strangely, googling for ‘morrigan sex’ actually returns a bunch of results for some Japanese girl with wings coming out of her lower back. I do not know who she is, I’m not into manga. Also, the results are totally NSFW.

Anyway, I have completed the act of christening this new placement. I would never have been able to ‘research’ for this post if it wasn’t for the new layout. Let the uninhibited gameplay begin.


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Sleep Patterns of Awesome People

It’s been a while hasn’t it? Just to put things in perspective, the last time I blogged, “Which seat can I take?” was just a logistics question and not a meme . The last time I blogged,  Sri Lankans all over the world were thinking they had a chance at the ICC World Cup and were preparing a team for it. The last time I blogged, I was probably 20 kilos lighter. The last time I blogged, I didn’t have a full on beard that you could hide a baby mongoose in. The last time I blogged, I still hadn’t broken my Kindle by getting so drunk that I sat on it for an hour and not notice. So yes, it’s been awhile since I shared my wisdom with the seething masses. Some of you may ask “why now?” but those people like asking rhetorical questions a bit too much so I’m not going to answer them.

I was going to pontificate on how you illiterates misuse the word FML, but then I got bored and decided I’m going to talk about my sleep patterns. Maybe I’ll be point and laugh about it some other day. I’ve decided to be whimsical about my blog posts from now on.

So yes, my sleep patterns. As you might know, some people are known to sleep walk. According to Wikipedia, this is

Sleepwalking, also known as somnambulism, is a sleep disorder belonging to the parasomnia family.[2] Sleepwalkers arise from the slow wave sleep stage in a state of low consciousness and perform activities that are usually performed during a state of full consciousness.

Sounds exciting! You know, if you’re a 70 year old man wearing fluffy slippers and falls asleep in front of the TV. It’s probably the most amount of excitement that will happen to you.

Cool people like me don’t sleep walk. We do the following

Sleep Orate

Carry out a monologue with a person near your bed. Person optional, I’ve known just to speak to myself. And I don’t mean mumble in your sleep. I mean talk. Loud. I’ve also been known to question my brother when he’s working late (the desk where he keeps his laptop is next to my bed). I don’t remember what the questions are, but he tells me I can get quite peeved, which leads me to

Sleep Attack

Ask my brother and he’ll tell you how tenaciously I guard the plug point when I sleep. Every time he tries to unplug the laptop power chord I hit him. Most of the time it’s with a pillow. Let me tell you, it’s unnerving to get attacked by a pillow wielding person when all you’re trying to do is unplug your computer. Positively puts you off the midnight porn. I’ve also been known to kick my bed. These battles usually end with me waking up with a bruised shin and wondering what the hell just happened.

Sleep Note Taking

Sometimes I take notes on my phone. I don’t know how I do this while I’m asleep, but I find these notes on my phone in the morning. By far the weirdest one I’ve taken down is

horriff norieff

That’s all. To this day I don’t know what that meant and I’m still confused as to what my intentions were. Even the big G doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Sounds vaguely Mediterranean or Middle Eastern. I shudder to think of what my sub conscience is up to when I’m asleep.

Sleep Sprinting 

If you had a camera in my room, apart from all the glorious nakedness you’d also see me rushing to either the bathroom light or the room light in the middle of the night. I basically get up, hit the bed with my pillow a couple of times for good measure and then rush to the light and switch it on. And then my brain wakes up and wonders what I’m doing near the light. It’s like I’m an old person with short term memory problems. I should probably stop reading all those fantasy stories before I go to bed. Give the old noggin some relax time.


So there you go. That’s what happens when you’re too cool to sleepwalk. Pretty much all those activities happen when I’m in a state between full sleep and full wakefulness. My eyes are open, but nobody’s home!


P.S. – By “Which seat can I take?”, I was referring to Rebecca Black’s Friday. It was all the rage when I started writing this post. As I submit the post, her second single has come out. So yes, it’s been awhile but regular transmissions begin now.

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Spectrums : Photography Exhibition

CEPA Exhibition Detals

CEPA Exhibition Detals

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Something About CEPA Photography Exhibition

My narrow sized blog can’t accommodate the proper orientation. A correctly aligned notice is here. And for those of you who want the text to be selectable, the pdf

Posted in Filler, Sri Lanka | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments