An unbiased review of Transformers

I never knew I could enjoy a movie so much. It had all the elements anyone could ever want of a movie.

  • Military hardware
  • Robots
  • Gadgets
  • Hot women
  • Fast cars
  • Indecipherable scientific jargon
  • Crazy ass fight scenes
  • Humor
  • Bullies getting their collective asses whopped

The list goes on and on. It was highly enjoyable. I watched this movie in the afternoon on Saturday. You might not believe this, but the last time I had slept was on Thursday, and I never felt sleepy during any part of the movie.

Don’t get me wrong, this was not one those movies that make you think of the human condition and life in general. This was an ‘in-your-face-up-and-at-em-take-no-prisoners’ kind of action movie that everyone enjoys. The only people who would not enjoy this movie would be pontifical art critics, Jahufar and some dude named Ernesto.

Making a movie with robots in it would have been a hit. Making a movie with kick ass vehicles would have been an even bigger hit. Combine the best of both worlds and what did you get? We got kick ass vehicles AND robots! And these were not the lumbering clumsy robots depicted in Star Wars or War of the Worlds, no, these were robots that could do martial arts and packed enough fire power to wipe out a military or civilian installation (which they did in the movie, several times). It even had a couple of G.I. Joes sprinkled on it.

As it is, even the credits were not boring, some of you may have missed it but there was a highly sarcastic interview by Sam’s parents. The only way they could have made the movie better would have been to add a fight scene during the credits as well. And maybe have a few of the actresses could run around in bikinis. It’s a good rule of thumb to have the womenfolk running around in bikinis; this is not a sexist remark. Having a guy running around in a bikini is rather awkward to watch and is a sure fire way to alienate 75% of your audience (it’s a known fact that 25% of any amount of people are up for anything). Unless you’re Borat of course. In which case the bikini is fine.

I was actually going to write a long article about the movie praising it but I have seem to have forgotten most of the stuff since I got out of the shower (I think best when I am in the shower). At any rate I will be going to watch the movie again once the crowds have lessened. I will also buy the toys, t-shirts and posters associated with the movie. In short I am going to be a fanboy. If I’m going to be a fanboy of anything, it might as well be a fanboy of kickass robots with fast cars as alternated modes. And before you send me pointed emails detailing how Transformers are not real, let me just tell you that you have the imagination of the common doorknob.

This is as unbiased as it gets.

Ironhide

Trivia

  • Hasbro initially planned to create a film based on their G.I. Joe line of toys but because of the Iraqi invasion they decided on Transformers instead.
  • Apparently they are planning two sequels for this movie. The writers are also playing around with the idea to have a transforming aircraft carrier.
  • Each of Ironhide‘s guns is made of ten thousand parts
  • ILM (Industrial Light & Magic) had to upgrade their systems because some of the highly detailed parts took as much as 38 hours to render each frame

This was a copy paste job from Wikipedia

About John

I'm a xx year(can't be bothered to change it every year) old wannabe programmer living in Sri Lanka. The posts mostly contain stories of how I see the world. Usually skewed.
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4 Responses to An unbiased review of Transformers

  1. Jahufar says:

    It’s me hobo.

    There is only 1 word to describe you: Fanboy. Make that a raving fanboy with a metal fetish.

    Transformers does you? Seriously? That movie had a ton of CG and special effect, but nothing you can call a plot. Optimus Primus a fucking wimp – it’s a pity you didn’t see me rolling my eyes at his monologue about freedom. What the fuck is it about freedom and Hollywood movies these days? Do they hire screenwriters directly from the White house now?

    You saw humour anywhere in this movie? I must have been sleeping through it cos all I saw was that guy’s pubescent awkwardness and his parents being used for (poor) comic relief. That and the black guy dying first on Air Force One (the black guy ALWAYS dies first – it splits my sides).

    What do you mean this is an unbiased review? It it was unbiased, then you should see this movie for what it is – mindless entertainment with no real value. This movie will be forgotten in 6 months time.

  2. John says:

    Irony flows off you like water off a duck’s back. Anyway I did like the movie. And, no, I do not have any deviant sexual tendencies (FOSS FOSS FOSS). I’m sorry the movie didn’t give you intellectual stimulation like the movies that you are used to. Let me see if I recall your favorites Lolita, Batman in Robin, Blowjob Impossible and Free My Willy. Not to mention 911 Fahrenheit. What a load of bull.
    enjoy :D

  3. Jahufar says:

    John

    Free Willy? Batman and Robin? I don’t like of these movies fool – and you shouldn’t be the one throwing rocks at them because of the fact Transformers sucked balls. Fahrenheit 911 was mediocre but dare you compare Fahrenheit 911 to this train wreak?

    Intellectual stimulation? What intellectual stimulation?? Don’t tell me that movie actually stimulated your one remaining brain cell.

    FOSS makes me a living, so more power to it. The last time I checked, this site runs thanks to it (or maybe thats the bad thing).

    Die.

  4. John says:

    @Tasteless cow
    If I wanted intellectual stimulation I would go out and talk to real people. People go to the movies to enjoy themselves. I enjoyed this movie, therefore it was a success.
    More power to FOSS, but thats not all you do with FOSS is it?

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