After having panted my way through Transformers on Saturday I decided to take it easy on Sunday. So I did what I always do I when I want to take it easy, play a game. I was playing GTA:SA the whole day, and I mean the WHOLE day because my brother was off gallivanting across the country with his friends. In any case during the evening when my eyes started hurting I went and switched on the TV. Smallville was playing. I had seen the trailers and knew the story somewhat (I watched it last week) so I watched it.

It was a mistake I will never make again. The whole episode revolved around an immigrant and his ground burrowing farmer boss man. Apparently the farmer got affected by the meteorite and gained the ability to burrow through the ground. He used his powers to improve his crops and kill and immigrants who tried to get away from his forced work camps. The reason that I regret watching this was that there was only about 15 seconds of action during the whole episode. And that 15 seconds of action took place below the ground so you could not see a bloody thing. I mean this is Superman! Where are all the cool moves? Where are all the all powerful villains? Most of the dialog involves Clarke blah blah blah’ing his way through a conversation with a boy and then whining his way through a conversation with his mom. Then, as is custom (I think), he goes to Lex Luthor’s place and accuses him of killing people. Then they show some underground action that no one could see. They showed some corn stalks vibrating in frenzy. How exciting! Vibrating cornstalks! And that’s the gist of it. There was no wall crashing, no grenade eating and no flying.

This is actually the second time nothing happened during the whole episode. Last week (or the one before) it was some sentient plant—ranger-woman thing from another planet. Apparently she can pierce his skin just because she is from another planet. I never knew Superman was invulnerable only to earth stuff. I thought it had something to do with the yellow sun, apparently the writers didn’t think so. Another thing I noticed it that Smallville has a high concentration of pre-25 year old billionaire industrialists. Long story short, it sucked. I wish they would put Heroes on at this time. Heroes clashes with Scrubs and I want to watch both.

All in all, the only thing I get by watching Smallville is that Clarke Kent has issues. No wonder he wears his underwear on the outside. And such color coordinated capes. Blech.

I have a confession to make, a few weeks back my resolve weakened and I committed a dire mistake. I watched an episode of Mahagedera. Not the whole episode (My brain kicked in at that point) but just enough to get the gist of what was happening during the episode. In this post I will try to get through the trauma by recounting my experience with you. The story goes as follows.

Ansh (generic bad guy) kidnaps Nandanee (generic maiden in distress) after some party or another. At this point of the story Nandanee had divorced Ansh, but since Ansh is mentally retarded he fails to grasp this small but important fact. Under the delusion that they belong together, Ansh drags Nandanee to his car, shoves her in and goes to the other side to get in. Nandanee meanwhile struggles against the door of the car because she failed “Quantum Mechanics 101” and does not know how to open a car door (I am certain the car door was not locked). After some wrong turns Ansh finally manages to locate the other side of the car, gets in and drives away.

Behold! Karan (generic hero) sees this and gets inside his own car and gives chase. Anyone who has watched ‘Ali G in Da House’ will know what kind of car chase this was. Both of them are traveling at the blistering speed of roughly 20 Kmph. Karan even manages to make a phone call to his step mother, of all people while in hot pursuit. By and by, Ansh realizes that you have to change gears in order to go faster and leaves Karan in the dust.

I switched to another channel at this point but when I changed back, Thulsi (step mother of generic hero, ‘speed demon’ Karan), Ansh and Nandanee are in a house somewhere. Apparently Thulsi had managed to find Ansh before her slow driving son, Karan. Karan was apparently still stuck in first gear and could not go faster than 20 Kmph so it would take some time for him to get to the scene. After a brief confrontational argument in which Ansh waves a tiny pistol around Thulsi is left locked in the house while Ansh escapes with Nandanee. What the mentally handicapped Ansh had not noticed was that the door of the house was made up of…… Glass. Easily Destructible Glass.

After pondering her predicament for about five minutes, all the time talking to herself with a quizzical look on her face (maybe she was wondering whose voice she was hearing), she realizes that glass is breakable! After this revelation she grabs the wicker chair (the obvious choice for all glass breaking activities) next to her and throws it at the door, shattering it. Did I mention that this two story house apparently only has one way in or out? Quite a fire hazard.

Meanwhile, Ansh – having mastered the art of shifting gears – has taken Nandanee to a heavily mountainous and wooded area. His reason for doing this? To go to Switzerland. Apparently I missed the international airport hidden among the trees. At any rate when Ansh stops the car near a suitably deserted area (probably looking for the duty free shops) Nandanee realizes that pulling on the little lever on the door will instantly open it. Needless to say, before Ansh can realize that there are no duty free goods Nandanee ‘no-door-will-hold-me-back’ Takur is off into the woods. After a suitable period of shouting on Ansh’s part he sets off in pursuit.

Realizing that the best way to recapture Nandanee would be to shout at the top of his voice he alternatively runs and screams through the woods. Because of all the shouting, Nandanee knows exactly where Ansh is, so she uses that knowledge to run in circles hoping that Mr. Ansh ‘slow-as-molasses’ Gujral will get dizzy. Since Ansh is always a bit behind the times, he fails to get dizzy and finds Nandanee hiding behind a wall. Apparently there were some convenient ruins to hide behind. But Nandanee chooses the shortest wall (maybe to accentuate her slim figure) and hides behind it. She does not realize that her head and her gigantic shawl are sticking out of the cover of the wall. She is disappointed when she is captured.

At this point of the episode my will starts to re-assert itself so I switched to another channel for a bit. Switching back to Mahagedara (while the ads are shown) I see poor retarded Ansh has been shot by the baby pistol he was carrying. Apparently it shot adult bullets. Either that or he was suffering from a belated bout of dizziness from all that running about. Mr. Karan ‘Need for Speed’ Virani finally arrives on scene to witness that his step mother has shot the retarded villain and saved the day. At which point I passed out.

I heard from a reliable source that Ansh ‘baby steps’ Gujral returns as the evil twin brother of himself. I don’t know how the creative directors will work that into the story but, apparently the physical laws of the Universe are guidelines rather than hard coded rules to them.

Note – I know there are lots of people who like this TV show out there. I respect your right to watch anything you want and I’m not making fun of you or anything like that. This is probably a very entertaining show for all you people but as the title of this blog states I look at everything from my point of view.

Di, my condolences.